 | 1- Sardarji is buying a TV
"Do you have colour TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."
2- Sardarji calls Air India.
"How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
"Just a sec," says the rep.
Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.
3- Sardarji is filling up a job application
He promptly fills in the lines on NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc.
Then came the column SALARY EXPECTED
After much thought he writes: Yes
4- Sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object.
He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a Thermos flask."
The Sardar asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The Sardar says, "I'll take it!"
The next day, he walks into work with his new Thermos.
His Sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with
you?"
He said, "It's a Thermos flask."
The boss asks, "What does it do?"
He replies, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
5- Sardarji fixed an answering machine at home.
Two days later he disconnected it because he was getting complaints
like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai."
6- What does Sardarji do after taking photocopies?
He compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.
7- What does Sardarji do when he has one white sheet and wants an extra
sheet?
He makes a photocopy of the white sheet.
8- There was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters.
They were planning for a free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point,
"Oh...we'll take Punjab from India but how would we develop it?"
That was a tough one indeed. Banta Singh had a brainwave...
"No problem! We'll attack Amrika, it would take over us and then
we would become a State of USA and develop automatically."
All the surds became happy with this very simple solution but an old
surd
was not. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy.
The old surd replied, "THAT'S ALL VERY WELL...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY
CHANCE
WE TOOK OVER AMRIKA???"
9- Sardarji went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.
"I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and
returned
to tell the salesman
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied.
"Damn, he recognised me," he thought.
He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut, new hair colour,
new outfit, big sunglasses, waited a few days, saw the salesman again.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a Sardar?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.
10- Why did 18 Sardars go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.
11- How do you measure Sardarji's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear
12- Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair
of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a
search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him
killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and
angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefoot!"
13- What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you? Pull
the pin and throw it back.
14- What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you? Run like
crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
15- How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday? Tell him a joke on
Wednesday.
16- What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his
ears? Trying to hold on to a thought.
17- Why do Sardars work seven days a week? So you don't have to
re-train them on Monday.
18- Why can't Sardars make ice cubes? They always forget the recipe.
19- How did the Sardar try to kill the bird? He threw it off a cliff.
20- What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.
21- What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes? The back of
his head.
22- What do you call a Sardar who drinks only beer? Just-beer Singh
('T' silent!).
23- What do you call a Sardar who has only one drink? Just-one Singh.
24- Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms? They think
their picture is being taken.
25- Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes? Toes Go In
First.
26- How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax? It has a stamp on it.
27- Why can't Sardar dial 911? They can not find the eleven on the
phone
28- How do you get Sardar on the roof? Tell him the drinks are on the
house.
29- "Oh, look at the dead bird." Sardar looked skyward and said
"Where, Where?
30- What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common? You always hear
about them but you never see them.
31- Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a
regular one? You have to hollow out the head.
32- The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometres a day for
300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji
called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a
problem.
"What's the problem?" asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home."
33- Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station.
Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to Ludhiana?"
"No," answers the Railway man.
"Can I?" asks Gani Singh.
34- A Sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs
start approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him
"Kyon Sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai"
Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai
lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "
35- Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he
takesalong some wine and chicken with him.
Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?"
Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun"
36- Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he
gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him
up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that
for 20 Rupees, the Sardarji deserved more service. So, when the
Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When
the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home.
Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he
saw the mirror.
Said his wife " What's the matter?"
Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up
someone else"
37- Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and
started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is
missing; what are you thanking God for?" The Sardarji replied "I am
thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that
time, otherwise I would have been missing too."
38- Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate
"Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese."
"How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh?"
" Aah, read a newspaper, it says that every 4th person born on the
Earth now is a Chinese."
39- Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer
space. The ground control issues commands "Rubi!" "Woof!" (it's the
barking sound)
"Press the red button." "Woof! Woof!" "Moti!"
"Woof!" "Press the white button." "Woof! Woof!" "Sardarji!" "Woof."
Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"
40- Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has Clock
Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.
Sardarji says "Yes".
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the
thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji
figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again
walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the
clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This
time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."
41- Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to
get into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a
bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a
while when the rush was over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta
Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front
with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Arre Banta Singh ! What
the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared ?
I was enjoying my ride down there ?
Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.*"
42- Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked
him what had happened to his ears and he answered, " I was ironing a
shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I
accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
" Oh Dear! " the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ..what happened
to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called back."
43- Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm. He lands
there on time. He is immediately hauled inside in front of the
interviewing officer. Officer looks at Santa Singh then goes through
his certificates and then starts asking him questions.
Following is the transcript :
O : Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your qualifications & credentials I
would like to ask you only some simple questions.If you can answer
those then you are selected. First we will start with some opposites
S : Yes Sir.
Officer started asking questions
O : Above
S : Below
O : Front
S : Back
O : Left
S : Right
O : Male
S : Female
O : Ugly (means Next in Punjabi)
S : Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi)
O : Ugly...U-G-L-Y( Officer spells it)
S : Pichhly...P-I-C-H-H-L-Y( Our Sardar also spells it)
O : U.....G.....L ...... Y.....(Officer shouts)
S : P ..... I ..... C ..... H ....... H ...... L ..... Y...... Our
Sardar also shouts) Officer is now angry.
O : Get out
S : Come in.
O : Quiet please.
S : Talk please.
O : You are rejected.
S : I am selected
....... ....... and This is how Santa Singh got his job.
44- A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes
to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead.
The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar raheho?"
To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai,
"Wash Basin".
45- Santa Singh got up in the middle of the night to answer the
telephone.
"Is this one one one one?", says the voice.
"No, this is eleven eleven."
"Are you sure it isn't one one one one?"
"No, this is eleven eleven."
"Well, wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the middle of the
night."
"That's all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone
anyway."
46- Santa Singh tried to light his cigarette. He struck the first
match on the seat of his pants, but it wouldn't light. He tried
another. It wouldn't light. The third one finally lit. lit his
cigarette, carefully blew the match out and put it in his vest pocket.
"What for did you put that match in your vest pocket?"
"That's a good match. I'll use it again."
47- A Sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway. Asks a bystander
as to why're the guys doing what they're doing. The bystander: A
Marathon race is going on
Sardar: What do they get from that?
Bystander : The winner will get a prize
Sardar : Then why are the others running?!
48- Then there's the one about the Sardarji who brought his binoculars
to a funeral where they were going to bury a DISTANT relative of his...
49- One Sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in Burma
bazaar. His Tamilian friend told the Sardar that the prices will be
costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price. Sardar went
and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told 2000 Rs.
Sardar asked for Rs.1000. vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for
which Sardar told no, no only Rs.900. Vendor told ok, I will give it
for 1500 Rs. for which Sardar bargained for Rs.750. It was going on
like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the
Sardar the stereo free of cost."Our Sardar asked whether he will give
two."
50- A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to
claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.
Our Sardar says, "I want my $20 million."
The man replied, "No, Sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a
million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19
years.
" Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I
want it."
Again, the man explained that he wouldonly get a million that day and
the rest during the next 19 years.
Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! if
you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my 1
dollar back!"
51- Sardar Banta Singh went to the emergency room with the tip of his
index finger blown off.
"How did this happen?" the doctor asked.
"Well I was trying to commit suicide," Banta Singh replied.
The doctor asked, "Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?"
"No, silly! First I put the gun on my head and I thought my face would
look horrible, then I put it in my mouth and I thought I just paid Rs.
1,000 to get my teeth straightened. So then I put the gun in my ear
and I thought this is going to make a loud noise, so I put my finger
in my other ear before I pulled the trigger."
52- A Sardar was walking along, when he looked up to observe a bird
flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly
over him.
The Sardar says, "It is good that cows don't fly"
53- A Sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings, so he picks it
up and says "Hello, how did you know I was here?"
54- How many Sardars does it take to pull off a kidnapping? Six.
One to kidnap the victim and five to write the ransom note.
55- Why are Sardar secret agents the best in the world?
Because even under torture they can't remember what they have been
assigned to.
56- Did you hear about the Sardar who asked his friends to give him
all of their burnt out light bulbs?
He just bought a camera and wanted to set up a Darkroom.
57- Banta Singh was painting his living room one hot day.
"Why", his friend Santa Singh asked him, "are you wearing two
jackets?".
"Because," said Banta Singh, "The directions on the can says 'put on
two coats'."
58- Sardar was given the job of painting the white lines down the
middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next
day three miles; the following day less than a mile. Then the foreman
asked the Sardar why he kept painting less each day,
he replied "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting
farther away from the paint can"
59- Why does a Sardar keep empty beer bottles in his fridge?
They're there for those who don't drink.
60- Why do Sardars have see-through lunch box lids?
So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to
work or coming home.
61- Sardar,a Japanese, and a British were lost in the desert. They
were driving around in a Jeep when it broke down, because they had
nothing else they decided to each take a piece of the Jeep as they
continued their journey. The Japanese took the radiator, the British
took the seat, and the Sardar took the door.
After a while of walking the British asked the Japanese "I'm confused,
why did you bring the radiator?"
The Japanese responded, "If I get thirsty, can drink the fluid."
Next the Sardar asked the British "Why did you bring the seat?"
So the British said "If I get tired,I am not going to sit on the sand.
I can sit on this comfortable seat."
Finally the Japanese asked the Sardar why he had chosen the door.
The Sardar quickly responded to this question, "Well, when it gets hot
all I have to do is roll down the window."
62- Why couldn't the Sardar write the number "eleven"?
He didn't know which "one" came first... | | |  | |
